How to survive the first trimester of pregnancy
First of all congratulations! Second of all everything that you are feeling right now is completely valid. I remember feeling so many mixed emotions such as: Is this even real? or holy shit what is happening, and I hope this thing sticks
I thought I would create this blogpost and additional ones about second and third trimester because I felt like I researched so much and as a nurse practitioner I can also give a medical perspective to this craziness.
SO whats super frustrating especially during this time is that no two pregnancies are the same. Basically any symptom except for severe abdominal pain and lots of bleeding is all considered within the realm of "normal"
Honestly this was a high anxiety time for me. I was constantly googling and trying to find out if things were normal- and I'm a nurse practitioner for heaven sakes- you'd think I'd have a better grip on this.
Biggest pieces of advice:
1. Take everything you google or look at on the baby apps with a grain of salt. There are a lot of stupid people out there that just happen to be pregnant and there will always be someone who miscarried at a certain week or blah blah blah. What you aren't seeing is the thousands of people that didn't miscarry. At a later date I actually learned that there are people on those apps/chatboards that prey on women- so either just avoid them or be careful.
I am a very data driven person so I found this website really helpful: https://datayze.com/miscarriage-reassurer
You put in how many weeks and days you are and it calculates your risk of miscarriage and your risk of not miscarrying. It was nice to input it everyday and watch it increase.
2. Just because your mom or your friend or your sister did something doesn't mean that you have to. At the end of the day this is your child and the only two people who need to be involved in the decision is you and your partner. For example- If you want to find out the sex- great! If you don't want to find out- also great! Don't let other people bully you into decisions. Be prepared for this oversharing and over advice giving to start as soon as you announce your pregnancy. Because of this- I tried to have a lot of important conversations with my husband before we announced- that way we were on the same page before other people knew.
First Trimester Symptoms
These are just my personal symptoms- obviously every pregnancy is different but it made me feel better to know what others were feeling so thats why I wrote them down.
Weeks 4-5
-I personally had a lot of abdominal/pelvic cramping and breast tenderness. I basically lived in sports bras for support. Also this sounds really werid but I had a heated blanket on our bed and I would lay on that for the heat to help relieve the pain.
-I still had somewhat of an appetite so I tried very hard to eat super super healthy- mostly green leafy veggies, and protein because this is the time that all the really vital organs are developing so I wanted to give them the most nutrients possible.
-I also remember a lot of right sided tenderness and of course I freaked myself out into thinking it was an ectopic pregnancy. Now I'm thinking that that is the side that he implanted on- he also prefers this side my entire pregnancy so far.
- I knew the "morning sickness was coming so I tried to pre-plan for it. I purchased the pink stork morning sickness sweets off amazon. I also had my husband get ginger ale from the grocery store but in the end I couldn't do it with the carbonation. I opted for the hard candy versus the suckers because I could suck on the hard candies more discreetly at work and other places- especially having the masks helped.
Weeks 6-9
-This was probably the worst part. I never really threw up or anything but I just felt constantly ill and not myself. The theme of this time is GRACE. Give yourself plenty of grace. you are still afraid you are going to lose it during this time.
- I basically ended up living on bagels and super bland food during this time. Would I have loved to eat better yes but I looked at it as calories are better for it that no calories.
-The fatigue killed me- like you I am used to running at full speed from sun up to sun down. You will not get anything super productive done during this time. Let it go-its ok. Do what you need to go- go to work, go home and sleep. Remember that you are developing vital things during this time and your body is using your energy while you sleep to do this. Once you think of it like that all of the other things on your to do list aren't as important.
-Things that helped me with the queasiness- the morning sickness sweets. For some reason for me the worst time was mid-morning. Or if I had to do something at work that had bad smells (like fecal disimpaction) I took one as a pre-emptive strike. Peppermint- I either sniffed my chapstick sometimes in the middle of the night if I woke up queasy or just put it on constantly. At work if I didn't have this option I would sniff an alcohol wipe sometimes too just to blow out my whole nose. Some people swear by those bands but I never got them- plus I was trying to be discreet and they are on your wrist but to each their own.
-Get rid of the strong smelling stuff in your house. My vinegar loving husband wasn't allowed to cook anything super smelly during this time. Usually I light a candle while I do yoga- that didn't happen either.
-Constipation and bloating- HCG is responsible for this. You feel like crap. I found yoga really helped with moving the gas through. I remember my clothes feeling really tight from the bloating but I hadn't really gained any weight.
Weeks 10-14
- I was still super fatigued until this time. Some people say at week 12 when the placenta takes over it was like a flip of a switch and all of their bad symptoms go away but it was more gradual for me. It will get better.
- We told close family around 11-12 weeks. Obviously you do you no judgement. I wish I would've told my best friend earlier but it was also really fun to tell her in person
- I got a pregnancy journal around this point because I started to feel "safe" I would recommend this because it can be a really cool keepsake later on.
I got this one https://www.amazon.com/Keepsake-Pregnancy-Journal-Cherish-Forever/dp/B096HK6NZR/ref=sr_1_10?crid=3H2XO22X4KK6F&keywords=simple+beginnings+journal&qid=1646793860&sprefix=simple+beginnings+journal%2Caps%2C117&sr=8-10
I liked that it was minimalist and gender neutral- also you don't have to journal like a ton each week- they just give you a few lines.
Your first appointment:
So you get a positive pregnancy test and you call your doctor and then your told "See you in 8-10 weeks!" honestly I was like "wait what?!?" Especially because developmentally this is a huge time for your baby and you are basically just left to your own devices on the internet. I personally feel like this is a huge gap in the US maternal healthcare system but I'll get off my soapbox for now.
What to expect:
-Fair warning you will most likely get a trans vaginal ultrasound- because the baby is too little typically to see abdominally yet. Mine didn't have the applicability to hear the heart rate but we could see it which was reassuring. She basically told us then a visible heart rate is a good sign and we could start telling people if we wanted to.
-Once we verified that he was alive my husband took some video with my phone which I would recommend. They give you pictures but having a video of the heart beat is really neat too. It doesn't have to be super long- just like 10-20 seconds. It is fun to look back on later and also show family
-They will order a ton of blood tests for you and want to do a STD screening while they've already got your pants off.
-They will hand you a ton of papers with information about having a safe pregnancy-To me this is a huge care gap because they handed me all this info about what to eat and safe drugs and stuff like that a month after all his vital organs have already been created.
-They also give you the option for carrier screening and the NIPT test which tests for Trisomy 18, 21 and one other bad one that I can't remember. You can also choose to find out the gender from this test which we chose to do. Obviously make your own decisions- I respect whatever you choose to do -I'm just providing you with my personal experience. We chose to do the NIPT because we are both slightly older and honestly if there was a major issue (especially I feel like 18 isn't life sustainable) I would want to know ahead of time to mentally and emotionally prepare. The NIPT is weird with insurance. I checked with our insurance and they said they "covered it." Clearly my definition of covered and theirs are completely different. Anyway thankfully the people that run the NIPT were really nice and once the blood had been received they sent me an email and were like: "If you bill your insurance it will cost you $400 if you choose not to bill your insurance we offer the test at a rate of $100." So obviously I chose not to bill it through the insurance. You have to be at least 10 weeks to get the NIPT done. It's just like 4 or 5 vials of blood and they overnight it to the specific lab in California. I remember what I thought was the most amazing is when we got our results back it said that the sample of his blood represented 10%- meaning he was only 10 weeks old- barely the size of a pea- but already had claim over 10% of my blood supply- Isn't the female human body amazing??
Random things and my thoughts/ opinions:
When do you start telling people
There's no magic time- it's all based on you. Like I said I wish I would've told my best friend earlier and I probably will next time. We chose to tell our family and close friends around 12 weeks because it was Christmas. The only thing I will say is that if there are specific people you want to tell in person you should probably tell them before 20 weeks. From personal experiences I've seen people be very upset that someone waited until over half the pregnancy to tell them. Just something to consider- also if you decide to put it on social media make sure you tell anyone that would want to find out in person first.
Fetal Dopplers
We chose not to buy one- they are kind of expensive and we didn't think it would be worth it. Someone ended up posting one on the free facebook site that I am a part of so then we got that one. We didn't start being able to hear his heart beat until 14-15 weeks- later we would find out it was because I had an anterior placenta. It was a little nerve racking when we couldn't finding it at like 12-13 weeks but I just chalked it up to it being not medical grade. They are considered "controversial" but I kind of roll my eyes. It was more of just a fun thing that we would do once a week or so for like a minute or two until I could start to feel him. Obviously if you do it constantly then it's not great for them. I think it's considered controversial because people are dumb. Also most people don't know where to dopple so they don't hear it and freak out or they find their own heartbeat and wonder why it's so slow.
Finding out the sex of the baby
Again do what you want to do. At the end of the day- this decision- and every other decision- should be between you and your partner. Everyone else doesn't matter. Sometimes if I knew people were going to have a reaction that I didn't want to deal with I would just lie to them because I didn't feel like dealing with it. I found there was a clear line between baby boomers and millennials on this issue. All the boomers gave me grief and "why would you ruin the surprise- blah blah blah" and all the millennials were like "cool". This will be the first of many decisions that people will complain about no matter what you choose to do. One thing that occurred to me is that you don't really have to announce all of your decisions- like if you want to have a discussion about your decision with that person then go for it but otherwise you can just not talk about it or lie- it's really not their business.
Coffee/Caffeine intake.
Here is ACOG's meta-analysis on caffeine during pregnancy. Once I found out I was pregnant I cut down from 2-3 cups per day to one based on their recommendations. So many people gave me shit for drinking coffee- they acted like I was doing meth or something- and I honestly considered printing this and handing it out. Honestly in the beginning it was one of the only things that I could keep down- plus I put good fats like coconut oil in my coffee so I felt like it was actually helping me/him. Again- make your own informed choices. https://www.acog.org/clinical/clinical-guidance/committee-opinion/articles/2010/08/moderate-caffeine-consumption-during-pregnancy
Cord blood
For some reason I got a TON of emails and ads in the first trimester about cord blood banking etc. I did some research into it and basically came across the concept of delayed cord clamping. Initially this was more of a hippy thing but ACOG's meta analysis shows that waiting 30-60 seconds after birth to clamp the cord helps to improve newborn HGB levels in their first days. I asked my provider about the hospital's current practice and theirs is to wait at least 60 unless the neonate is showing signs of distress before clamping the cord. They also do this with C-Sections which is nice. Basically I feel like cord banking is kind of a money grab and would really only benefit you if you have a specific need for it presently- which would be hard because your baby would have to match the donor personal as well. Anyway-again- make your own decisions. Here is ACOG's meta-analysis on the issue. https://www.acog.org/clinical/clinical-guidance/committee-opinion/articles/2020/12/delayed-umbilical-cord-clamping-after-birth
Pregnancy Pillows
I read so many blog posts about how you should immediately purchase a pregnancy pillow the second you find out you are pregnant. My thoughts on this are "why?" I didn't see the need for it. I ended up getting one in the second trimester and hating it! If you want a new pillow get a new pillow but don't feel pressured into buying one immediately.
More General advice
Have like 2-3 moms that you trust and have similar parenting/lifestyle. Go to them with your questions/concerns. This way you have real life experience to rely on without having to ask a ton of people and get like 3000 different thoughts and opinions. Also no offense to our moms/MILs but while pregnancy and child birth are still the same a lot of things have changed in the last 30 years. I try to validate their experiences but also say "things are different than they were then" Also it's better to get moms with young kids because their experiences are fresher or they are actively living it so they can give you real time answers and advice on things. Try to get at least one mom friend who has at least 2 kids because each kid is different and they can give you more of a broader answer.
Take a 6 week "bump" photo. I felt like total crap during mine but I am so glad that I did it. It is fun to look back later where you started. I used a shirt that could grow with me that I got off amazon inexpensively. I was a little worried at the end though that it wasn't going to fit! Some people take a picture every week- I felt like that was a little excessive especially because I didn't really start showing until about 18-20 weeks. Also I downloaded a free app called "baby cam" which has stickers that you can add to the photo stating the current size of baby. I also added the month for fun.
Something fun to consider:
We took secret videos of telling our parents, our nieces and nephews and my best friend. They are really fun to re-watch and I can't wait to show him when he is older. It's just a fun way to show them how loved they are- even from the very beginning.
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